You’re at a party, feeling fabulous, when someone asks your age. The moment you answer, their face morphs into that concerned, pitiful look you’ve come to despise. “Oh, you look great… for your age!” they say, as if you’ve somehow defied the natural order by showing up with style, wit, and zero visible cat hairs on your dress.

Welcome to perimenopause, where the hot flashes are fiery, the mood swings are unpredictable, and the ageism is, quite frankly, exhausting. From unsolicited comments about your appearance to the little voice in your head whispering that you’re “too old” for something, ageism comes at you from all angles—external and internal.

But here’s the truth: Age is just a number, and you’re not obligated to conform to anyone’s expectations of what that number means. So let’s break down the stereotypes, rewrite the narrative, and learn how to flip the script on ageism—both out there in the world and in your own mind.

What Is Ageism, Anyway?

Ageism is discrimination based on age. It’s the assumption that aging equals decline, that women over 40 are “past their prime,” and that wrinkles somehow render you invisible. In perimenopause, ageism shows up in two ways:

External Ageism: Stereotypes, biases, and discriminatory behaviors from others.
Internalized Ageism: When you start to believe those stereotypes about yourself.

Fun Fact: The term “ageism” was coined in 1969 by Dr. Robert Butler. That’s right, it’s not just a modern issue—it’s been bugging people for over 50 years.

But how does ageism specifically affect women going through perimenopause? And more importantly, how do we fight it?

External Ageism: Fighting Society’s Stereotypes

External ageism is everywhere—from the workplace to social interactions, to the beauty and fashion industries. It’s the reason you see a “miracle cream” ad featuring a 20-year-old model with the tagline, “Erase signs of aging!”

Common Examples of External Ageism:

Workplace Discrimination: Being overlooked for promotions or new opportunities because of your age.
Media Stereotypes: Lack of representation of women over 40 in movies, TV shows, and ads.
Social Interactions: Comments like, “You’re too old to wear that,” or “Isn’t it time to cut your hair short?”

Reality Check: In 2023, a study found that 64% of women over 45 feel invisible in social settings. That’s a lot of women feeling erased.

1. Challenge Ageist Language and Stereotypes

Words matter. When someone makes an ageist remark, challenge it with humor or sass. You’re not obligated to educate them, but you are entitled to stand up for yourself.

How to Respond:

When They Say: “You’re too old to be wearing that.”
- You Say: “Oh, I didn’t realize clothes came with age restrictions.”
When They Say: “You look great… for your age.”
- You Say: “Thanks! I look great, period.”

Pro Tip: Practice these comebacks in front of a mirror. That way, you’ll be ready when the moment strikes.

Sassy Truth: Age doesn’t define style—confidence does.

2. Call Out Media Stereotypes

The next time you see an ad or TV show that portrays older women as frumpy or irrelevant, say something. Comment on social media, send an email, or just call it out in conversation.

Why It Matters:

Calling out stereotypes changes the narrative.
It creates demand for better representation.
It helps younger women see aging in a positive light.

Fun Fact: In 2022, the “Age Without Apology” campaign challenged beauty brands to stop using anti-aging language. Progress is happening—slowly, but surely.

3. Surround Yourself with Positive Influences

If your social media feed is full of 20-somethings selling wrinkle creams, it’s time for a cleanse. Curate your feed to include empowering women who embrace their age.

Inspiring Women to Follow:

Maye Musk (@mayemusk): Model and dietitian proving that style is ageless.
Iris Apfel (@greceghanem): Embracing her silver hair in a chic manner with timeless elegance and fashion.
Tracee Ellis Ross (@traceeellisross): Actress and entrepreneur who redefines aging with humor and grace.

Pro Tip: Seek out communities, both online and offline, that celebrate women at every stage of life.

Historical Fun Fact: In Ancient Rome, women over 50 were considered “sages” and revered for their wisdom. It’s time to bring that respect back.

Internalized Ageism: Rewriting Your Inner Narrative

While external ageism is frustrating, internalized ageism is downright destructive. It’s the little voice that says, “You’re too old to start something new,” or “You’re not relevant anymore.”

Why It Happens:

Decades of cultural conditioning.
Media representation that equates youth with beauty and worth.
Lack of positive role models for women in midlife and beyond.

The Consequence: You start to shrink yourself, avoid new opportunities, and feel less confident. But guess what? That little voice is a liar.

1. Identify and Challenge Limiting Beliefs

Start by noticing when you have ageist thoughts about yourself. Write them down, then challenge them with evidence.

Example:

Limiting Belief: “I’m too old to switch careers.”
Challenge: “Vera Wang didn’t enter the fashion industry until she was 40. Julia Child didn’t publish her first cookbook until she was 50.”

Pro Tip: Keep a “role model” list of women who achieved greatness later in life. When self-doubt creeps in, read through it for a confidence boost.

2. Flip the Script: Embrace Your Age with Humor

Humor is a powerful tool for dismantling internalized ageism. It lightens the mood and makes you feel more empowered.

Reframe Negative Thoughts:

Negative Thought: “I have wrinkles.”
Reframed: “I have laugh lines. Clearly, I’ve been having a great time.”
Negative Thought: “I’m too old for that hairstyle.”
Reframed: “I’m too fabulous to be boring.”

Sassy Truth: Age isn’t the enemy—boring is.

3. Celebrate Your Accomplishments

Instead of focusing on what you haven’t done, celebrate what you have achieved. Whether it’s raising a family, building a career, or just surviving a pandemic, give yourself credit.

Create a “Brag Book”:

Write down your accomplishments, big and small.
Revisit them whenever you feel “not enough.”
Share your victories with a friend who’ll cheer you on (and return the favor).

Fun Fact: The ancient Chinese celebrated “Longevity Festivals” to honor life experience. It’s time we did the same.

Flipping the Script: Embracing Aging with Confidence

Ageism—both external and internal—is a product of a culture that fears aging. But you don’t have to buy into that narrative. By challenging stereotypes, rewriting your inner dialogue, and celebrating every stage of life, you can redefine what it means to age.

Because here’s the truth: You’re not “too old” for anything. You’re just getting started. And the world is lucky to have your wit, wisdom, and fire.

So wear what you want, say what you feel, and don’t apologize for your age. You’re not too old—you’re just too fabulous to be held back by outdated stereotypes.

And that, my friend, is how you flip the script on ageism.

Disclaimer: The information in this article is for educational purposes only and not intended as medical advice. Always consult your physician regarding medical conditions before acting on any content here. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The author and publisher disclaim responsibility for adverse effects resulting from using this information. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor or emergency services immediately.

Dealing with External and Internal Ageism in Perimenopause: Flipping the Script on Stereotypes